“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.” -- Groucho Marx
"Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do." -- Isaac Asimov
"Many things - such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly--are done worst when we try hardest to do them." -- C.S. Lewis
"My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish, where she used to dress up like herself and act like a f*@#ng bitch all the time." -- Bo Burnham
"It's not until you're an adult you appreciate how awesome a dog is. Your dreams start dying, somebody cheats on ya, bankers f*#k up your 401k, ya know? Then you come home and that dog's looking at you and he's like, 'Dude, you're awesome!' It's like, 'No dude, YOU are f*@#ng awesome!" -- Bill Burr
"I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." -- Stephen Jay Gould
"My absolute favorite piece of information is the fact that young sloths are so inept that they frequently grab their own arms and legs instead of tree limbs, and fall out of trees." -- Douglas Adams
“If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company” -- Jean-Paul Sartre
"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public." -- George Jessel
Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitter steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree you still believe it to be a beautiful place. -- Kurt Vonnegut
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." -- Isaac Newton
"Historically, the most terrible things - war, genocide, and slavery - have resulted not from disobedience, but from obedience." -- Howard Zinn
"Childhood is like being drunk: everyone remembers what you did, except you." Unknown
“It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English, up to fifty words used in correct context, no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese.” -- Carl Sagan
"Science is like sex: Sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it." -- Richard Feynman
"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward." -- Kurt Vonnegut
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